How to approach other American kids?

Mybaby

好了，这下子改了。 不和你继续这个话题了，我可不想歪了人家的楼。8！:$
爱无言 发表于 2010-6-11 10:10

You are welcome to say anything here. I am very pleased to see you here.

Mybaby

我认为国外的老师对孩子(不管是幼儿园还是小学的老师),是不会很严厉的,只要家长不过分担忧,其实就够了.
琳0824 发表于 2010-6-11 02:55

Partly agree. Only agree last part. Not all teachers are good especially in daycare.

According to what one of my friends told me (she worked for several years in one best and most expensive daycare, local.), she thought the laziest Americans gather together in US daycare.

According to my daughter's experience, she went to a half day pre-school at four. After one week, she told us she saw the teacher spanking other kids. (We told her we would watch for that.) After one month, my daughter told us the teacher spanked her twice very hardly. one is because she put fake vegetable into her mouth when she played with it and the other time is at that day, my daughter was class helper helping her get the toy bags. The teacher put too much toys into the bags so my four-year-old one cannot handle it. The bag fell and the toys out. She is the first and only one spank my daughter like that in this world. we asked my daughter she wanted us to talk to the Principal or she wanted to give her another chance. She asked what would happen if we talked to the principal. We told her you will never see her in your class. The teacher will be kicked out of school. She said no kids liked this teacher but she chose to give her a chance because she thought every one makes mistakes and if she still did the same thing to the kids, we would report. Next morning, when my husband talked to her, She denied but her face flushed and she dare not to watch his eye. We all knew she lied. After that, my daughter said she only time out kids or count one two three.

After she went to pre-K, I volunteered a lot in her class so I am very familiar with her teachers and her classmates. both teachers are very patient, reasonable, responsible and full of love, especially the assistant teacher. They are good.

Anyway, not every teacher in China are bad and not every teacher here are good. During the first few years in US, I have same thoughts. Their teachers  are more nice, their food are more safe, their children are more happier. Their thoughts are more modern. Now for me , every person in this world is similar. They may express in different way. The behind thing is very similar. They are human being. My thoughts may not be right. Actually the more I  know the more I feel I don't know.

爱无言

Anyway, not every teacher in China are bad and not every teacher here are good. During the first few years in US, I have same thoughts. Their teachers  are more nice, their food are more safe, their children are more happier. Their thoughts are more modern. Now for me , every person in this world is similar. They may express in different way. The behind thing is very similar. They are human being. My thoughts may not be right. Actually the more I  know the more I feel I don't know. Mybaby 发表于 2010-6-11 14:09

喜欢这段！:lol  哎，不过，也确实，知道的越多，好像感觉也越困惑，什么都不确定似的...

敬听

首先谈谈我看一楼的感觉哈！“D: Yeah, she did not say ' Could you say it again?'. She just acted like I was nobody. ”从这句话中，我觉得孩子伤心的关键是被忽视，而不是邀请被拒绝，更不是你说的交友问题。

在前面的对话里，孩子也说她也同样拒绝过别人的邀请。那就说明两个问题：
其一，有别的小朋友想和她一起玩儿。
其二，她只是因为不喜欢那些个玩儿法儿，所以拒绝了别人。

既然有人邀请她一起玩儿，就没有无法融入的问题，只是孩子自己的选择问题。另外，后面的回帖里，你也说她和亚洲小朋友之间的交往没有任何障碍和问题，这也从另一方面证明了孩子仅是和这个特定的小朋友的交往困难。当然孩子的表述可能有偏差，因为一时的“失意”而否定了自己的“全部”，这个对一个5岁半的小朋友来说很正常，呵呵。


另外，新到一个地方，就算在国内，也需要一定的时间融入，你也别太心急。:hug:

Mybaby

首先谈谈我看一楼的感觉哈！“D: Yeah, she did not say ' Could you say it again?'. She just acted like I was nobody. ”从这句话中，我觉得孩子伤心的关键是被忽视，而不是邀请被拒绝，更不是你说的交友问题。
...
敬听 发表于 2010-6-11 18:13

Thank you. I feel the same way. I never thought she had any problem. But she insisted she had no friends, only playmates.

I did lots of volunteer work so I had lots of opportunities to see how her school life could be. Every time I went to help her teachers, she was very happy to me, she would come to hug and kiss me and ran back to play with others. I never saw she was playing alone.  Sometimes when I picked her up at noon, some kids when were playing with would beg me " please, please let her play with me. Don't go." She was not lack of playmates. She is eager for best friends.

She likes chitchat. Her thoughts:  if they just play together, they are just playmates. If they could chitchat and play, they are friends. If they could chitchat and play and hang on together all the time, they are best friends. She could not chitchat with Americans because of her poor English. So she had no friends.

Gosh, sometimes I feel why she is so hard to feel satisfied or  is she too mature for her age. I knew most kids at her age would be satisfied as long as they have somebody to play with. could it be possible because we spent too much time together so her level of demand increased lot?

How  about your daughter, 爱无言?

爱无言

25# Mybaby

呵呵，感觉咱俩在对孩子的一举一动的观察和思考方面很有一拼呢！;P

爱无言

http://www.namez.cn/thread-496-1-3.html 类似你这样的对孩子的疑问，我记在这里了。你进不去的话，可以去我的博客。http://blog.sina.com.cn/aimeiyanyao?retcode=0

Mybaby

http://www.namez.cn/thread-496-1-3.html 类似你这样的对孩子的疑问，我记在这里了。你进不去的话，可以去我的博客。http://blog.sina.com.cn/aimeiyanyao?retcode=0
爱无言 发表于 2010-6-13 17:38

I got "本帖要求阅读权限高于 20 才可浏览，请返回". but I can enter into your blog. Are they same?

然妈

既然是孩子的英语不够好造成无法顺利交谈，楼主多辅导辅导英语吧，在家里多用英语交谈，帮孩子提高英语会话能力。

妮珂妈妈

跟老师谈谈孩子提到的问题吧，她（们）也许已经对此有了一些观察。如果老师本人就是American，更好。也许她（们）会看到一些在社交方面的文化差异。相信她们是帮助孩子很好的资源。

找幸福

为什么不能用中文说呢

琳0824

为什么不能用中文说呢
找幸福 发表于 2010-6-29 09:08

楼主说是她不能打中文.

小和和妈

个人认为楼主对待孩子的困扰，也反映了自己内在的矛盾，如果说得不对请不要介意，那就是楼主夫妻，本来就和白人社会保持一定距离，并没什么问题，但是孩子面临将来在美国生活，楼主希望她将来能更好地融入当地人的圈子，这样才能更好地生活。实际上楼主可能潜意识也认为：如果更好地融入当地文化，生活将会变得更好。因此当面对孩子在幼儿园有这样的交友问题时，就会感到焦虑。

孩子的问题就是大人的问题，楼主也说经常来往的是亚洲人居多。因此孩子交往当地小朋友的机会也比较少。对于楼主说的，应该是帮她还是等她自然客服不能融入美国小朋友圈的问题，我觉得父母应该采取一些措施积极应对，正如楼主说的，多参加教会活动等。

建议开始比较积极地参加当地人的活动，选择一两家合得来，孩子也能合得来的家庭定期聚会。孩子有多跟当地人相处的机会，语言自然不是问题。在家说中文也不需要改，因为我们即使说英语也还是和当地的语言有差异。

Mybaby

跟老师谈谈孩子提到的问题吧，她（们）也许已经对此有了一些观察。如果老师本人就是American，更好。也许她（们）会看到一些在社交方面的文化差异。相信她们是帮助孩子很好的资源。
妮珂妈妈 发表于 2010-6-29 00:25

The teacher didn't think she had any problem. There are some other international boys in her class from Egypt, Iraq, India. So basically, her class is like half American half international. According to my observation, international kids like to play with international kids. American kids like to play with American kids. Maybe language is one reason. The only international girl had American friend in class is because she had an older sister so her English is better than other internationals.

Mybaby

个人认为楼主对待孩子的困扰，也反映了自己内在的矛盾，如果说得不对请不要介意，那就是楼主夫妻，本来就和白人社会保持一定距离，并没什么问题，但是孩子面临将来在美国生活，楼主希望她将来能更好地融入当地人的圈 ...
小和和妈 发表于 2010-6-29 15:09

I don't want to attend church program because every time when you meet with American here, there are always same topics: why you have two kids, we heard about in china you can only have one. Then they will talk about we heard about Chinese will kill baby. Then I have to explain to them......I am tired of that. Like my husband said let those people live in China and see how many people there, they will shut their mouth up.

We live in the place where the American call Bible belt. The people here are super conservative. They are not typical American. So almost 90% activities are related to religion. There is nothing wrong with the religion. But we don't like the way they control the thoughts. By the way, lots of their thoughts are actually having conflict with Bible. Anyway, that is a long talk.

The remaining 10% are related to sports. That is what our choice. Everyday our whole family will attend two-hour sport activities. Those activities are not free. So usually the other kids are American and she is the only international. She cooperated very well with other kids and some families there are her friends but still not as close as her Chinese friends.

Mybaby

Thank you for your reply. There is nothing bothering me and my husband. I don't think our life will be better if we are more involved with them. Our life is good now, for us.

you are right. I have no special intention to make friends with American families. I am more close to internationals. I like them and love to be with them.
They are open, funny and friendly. We have lots of things in common . Anyway, for my little precious, now I give myself an intention to choose some American friends purposely. To be a mom is not a easy task :)

Mybaby

Thank you for your reply. There is nothing bothering me and my husband. I don't think our life will be better if we are more involved with them. Our life is good now, for us.

you are right. I have no special intention to make friends with American families. I am more close to internationals. I like them and love to be with them.
They are open, funny and friendly. We have lots of things in common . Anyway, for my little precious, now I give myself an intention to choose some American friends purposely. To be a mom is not a easy task :)

Mybaby

Thank you for your reply. There is nothing bothering me and my husband. I don't think our life will be better if we are more involved with them. Our life is good now, for us.

you are right. I have no special intention to make friends with American families. I am more close to internationals. I like them and love to be with them.
They are open, funny and friendly. We have lots of things in common . Anyway, for my little precious, now I give myself an intention to choose some American friends purposely. To be a mom is not a easy task :)

小和和妈

I don't want to attend church program because every time when you meet with American here, there are always same topics: why you have two kids, we heard about in china you can only have one. Then  ...
Mybaby 发表于 2010-6-29 18:26

I understand. To contact with those narrow-minded and stubborn persons is a chanllenge, no wonder your daughter will meet such troube when making friends.

But as you mentioned, you have lovely international friends, you like to be with them, then why do you worry about the issue "how to approach other American kids"? If you have no problem involve most internationals, why not let your kids make close friends with internationals like you?

Also there's somethig I want to say is: culture different is difficult to overcome, not only reflects on the situation you don't like the way local persons talk with you but also on the facts that people  "zha dui" almost all around the world, it's easy to go with similar person.

About language, I really don't think it's a big deal. For your daughter is only 5 years old, most of her time is spend with your family. She will have much bigger stage then your imagination.

Mybaby

I understand. To contact with those narrow-minded and stubborn persons is a chanllenge, no wonder your daughter will meet such trouble when making friends.

But as you mentioned, you have lovely  ...
小和和妈 发表于 2010-6-29 23:16

Thank you so much for your interest in it. I am satisfied with the current situation. She  wants to make friends with English speaking kids. She has lots of international kids. We consulted with speech specialists. They did overall evaluation. She understands more than what she speaks. They told us after she hung on in school for longer time, she will speak like American kids. At that time, her Chinese may become a concern. I am not very worried
about her language right now.